deepthroatmom:

holycheesenrice:

andrejpejicjimmyvegafanfic:

*pounds on ur windshield as u hide inside ur car with doors locked*

seriously? are you kidding me? 
That is a CHILD. Have some fucking decency.

*pops your tires w/ my strong front teeth and goes for the kill*
me: haha hey guys do u dare me to eat this whole thing of ice cream
them: no
me: *shaking my head and chuckling* i cant believe you guys are making me do this
them: we're not
me: *eating right out of the thing* this is so wild you guys you're so fucked up for making me do this
apostlemage:

pyramidslayer:

look what you can buy

There is a Pope in the Cars universe. This means that there is Catholic Christianity, which means there was a Jesus car who was crucified. Jesus Chrysler was crucified by car Romans under Pontiac Pilot who washed his wheels. A car was nailed to a cross and ascended to Heaven.

liquatic:

Me to the person cutting my hair

image

(Source: gherkind)

dogapult:

how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”

despairnaegami:

personasanta:

does anybody else think tired and sleepy mean two totally different things

sleepy is cute and dozing off and happy but tired is 10 cups of coffee and murder

(Source: bingeeaterghoul)

comprecation:

DRAG HA

lamedere:

babies screaming when you’re out shopping

image

(Source: samevvada)

burgrs:

in 7th grade i turned to this kid that wouldn’t stop talking during class and i said “eric im going to shove this pencil up your ass” and my teacher called my mom and made me tell her what i said and my mom laughed for like 4 minutes

taylor-sea:

*leans against wall*

*sips a capri sun*

hey